January 27, 2010

I did 20 minutes of exercise last night, whoo hoo! I do need to begin somewhere again. My job has a good way to help with the motivation. We are having a little Olympics, tracking our exercise and healthy living habits in a fun way. My boss decided to be a team captain, oh no! Since I like her so much and don't want to let her down, I better get started before the official start date of the Olympics, Feb. 8. I am looking forward to it, it's a welcome push.

 Last year we grew a beautiful garden for the first time in ten or more years. We had the opportunity to partake in the local community garden and thought that would help with our current stress. It sure did, there were times I realized I had been working in the dirt and didn't think about my son's problems for a couple hours. Not only did it help with the stress, we enjoyed it so much it almost became out outdoor living room. We worked it almost daily and were blessed with an abundance of wonderful vegetables and flowers all summer and into the fall and winter. Since we eat mostly produce, it saved lots of time and money at the farmer's market and grocery store. We also gave many vegetables away to just about everyone we know including local food banks. I am so looking forward to doing it again soon. I thought I would start my own plants this year indoors. We have lots of room and I can just turn our basement into a greenhouse.

I began a new book last night, The New Seed-Starters handbook. I don't do to well with fiction, I have a problem completing a lot of fiction books, but something informative about a subject I am interested in, I just zip right through. I dug right into this book and I am ready to hit the thrift stores in search of suitable seedling containers and materials for making a seedling rack. Hopefully I will find time this weekend to take a hike through the woods to gather some moss for my seedlings. I guess it is time to start artichokes, onions, and peppers. There is a nice schedule in the book which lets me know just when to start what. I am very excited about this project. I also recently read, Guided by the Moon, Living in Harmony with the Lunar Cycles. This book contained lots of information about when to plant, what to plant, when to harvest, and when to store my herbs and vegetables in accordance with the lunar cycles. I am going to have some fun with that, documenting the events according to the lunar cycles and see how that goes. I had no idea that herbs were more potent when harvested and stored at certain times of the month or even time of the day.

"To own a bit of ground, to scratch it with a hoe, to plant seeds and watch the renewal of life--this is the commonest delight of the race, the most satisfactory thing a man can do." Charles Dudley Warner

A sleepless night, can't turn my brain off, so I might as well do something with it and write. I didn't do too well with the emotions yesterday. Fear and anger reared it's ugly head again seemingly out of nowhere. But hey, it's a new day and always a fresh start. The best thing I can do is keep going forward and try to do better each day as I trudge the road OF happy destiny.

Since my son's arrest last January, I feel like I've become a different person. I am usually considered by my friends and acquaintances as a pretty upbeat, happy person, ready to lend a hand or a hug wherever it is needed. I don't see that person very often right now. I stay home more than I used to, don't socialize as much, and have nights like this one where I can't stop my mind from racing long enough to sleep for very long. I have since become a little out of control with my emotions. It's like a door has been opened and the gremlins have escaped and I can't get them back in. Some days, anger just takes over and at times comes right out of nowhere, without provocation.

I am asked how my son is doing regularly throughout the day. He has many people who care about and love him. It seems pretty easy to keep a smile on in front of people and more and more everyday I am able to put it a little farther back in my mind. I think sometimes the anger just stacks up inside me and needs to be released. Unfortunately before I figure this out, I have already wasted valuable time with myself and my husband that could have been spent in a more loving way. Luckily he knows me and understands that some of the things I say and do right now are not from my heart. After-all, this is his battle also. He is experiencing the same grief.

But, I am ready and willing for whatever the universe has in store for me today. I just pray I get through this day without causing any more pain or harm to others. I pray I can stay in the moment today and do something beneficial for someone else.

No comments:

Post a Comment