I should start out with some the things I am grateful for today:
I am alive,
I exercised for 20 minutes, I CAN exercise,
I woke up sober and with my cute, smiling husband,
I had a great day at work, I HAVE a job,
I have a warm comfortable home,
we eat good fresh food,
my teeth hurt because a couple of dentists are having their way with me; but I GET to go to the dentist, and I found treasure in my mailbox today.
Our five year old granddaughter was thinking about us. Makes my heart sing for sure!
I made some good decisions today, got some important tasks accomplished at work and personally. I spent some time with my lovely friend/sister, Rhonda. We haven't sat down and talked in quite awhile. She just spent a couple of weeks in Mexico so I've been anxious to hear of her adventures.
I started telling her about how I have been truly feeling this past few months and some of the weird and silly shit I have done and said. I told her how sometimes I feel like I am very lost. I had this overwhelming urge to be completely honest with a sister and tell someone how bad I hurt sometimes. I realized I really hadn't done this thoroughly yet. It felt good to hear from someone else that I hadn't been as crazy as I thought I was. I feel my confidence and strength inside a little more each day. There is some growth within all this pain, it sneaks it's head in once in awhile and I am lucky enough to notice just once in awhile too. My friends in the fellowship told me this would make me stronger, but it hasn't been until recently I have become willing to believe and let go. A few months ago, I was hoping I would feel this way someday.
I left feeling very good that I took the time to relax and sit and talk with someone I love. I stopped at the store and stocked up on our fruits and vegetables for the week. I almost blew that off until tomorrow, but since we only shop in the produce section now, it really only takes me 20 minutes to shop for a week. Less when the garden is giving. And, it is a good way to stop the continuous motion for a few minutes. I do love food and cooking so a grocery store is fun for me, I am a sick pup. Made a great meal; sauteed fresh rock fish, broccoli, cauliflower, thyme, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, a pinch of lavender and some fresh orange juice. (I should call myself a "flexitarian" as we do have some fresh wild fish occasionally.) I exercised for twenty minutes again, yippee, twice in one week so far.