June 17, 2010

Balance? in Juneuary?

Yes, it's Juneuary in the Northwest.  I feel like we've seen enough rain to last us until next winter.  We are still wearing sweaters, socks, and long pants to work in mid June.  We have had some sunshine about once a week.  They say this is the longest stretch of rainy weather in spring in 23 years.  I had so hoped to be in my garden more.   The plants are growing, but they are small.  The biggest thing I miss though is the peace I get when I'm out there.

Marty is soon to be released from the prison in Washington and will be transported to another jail in Oregon where he can once again face charges for the same instance and same people.    He has been incarcerated now for the last year and a half.   I fear he has quite a few months or more ahead of him left.  I have seen many courtrooms in the last year and a half, many people who have done much worse have gotten less trouble, from my standpoint anyway.   I don't understand our justice system at all.   I still have problems believing this has happened at all.   I do know what surreal feels like.   We are responsible people, things like this aren't supposed to happen, at least I didn't think so.   I am trying to handle all of this better than I did last year.   This week I am back to screaming inside a bit.  But, I know there are many blessings in my life.   I just have to learn to see them and remember them when I feel bad.

Yesterday I sent my first care package to my son in Afghanistan.  He asked for canned meats and easy meals, the just add water kind, socks, coffee, and foot powder.   They get some vegetables and fruit from local farmers.   Oh my gosh, I filled a box with what I consider "edible food-like substances."   I tried to keep it a little healthy by sending canned salmon, crab, papaya, and applesauce along with the Spam and other cans that had pictures of meat.   But most of the things he asked for I wouldn't buy or eat, but I'm not the one foraging for food in unfriendly places.    He can have what he wants, if I can send it.  He sent me a picture of his cooking facilities and some of their "gardening."  I am pretty sure I wouldn't  like it if these guys came by my garden dressed for battle with loaded rifles. 

Bob's Kitchen
Picking vegetables

And, Fruit shopping, I think this is the closest my sailor gets to water.

The man who helped me at the post office was a jolly character.  He showed me how to fill out the custom papers and handed me a stack of them for the future boxes.   He gave me a whole roll of postal packing tape, and a stack of boxes marked for sending to FPO addresses.  He also went on to proudly tell me about his daughter who just made 3rd class in the Navy, she's deployed, and a son who is about to enter Officer Training School.   Then, he said something that made me feel connected to him and a little relaxed inside, he said his other son was in prison, he had made a stupid decision.  You know that made me smile inside to hear someone else say the same thing I do.  I know how this man feels. He was kind sharing with me even though he was probably just letting it out like I do.   It seems to help to tell others.   If I felt alone yesterday, as I often do in this ordeal, I didn't for that moment.   I thanked him for sharing and told him my other son was also in prison.  He said, "you know, we all have one."   I am so glad I picked that moment to go to the post office, I haven't felt that connected to a stranger like that in a long time.  Somehow that eased the pain just a bit. 

So, yes, I have whined a bit today and I'm not feeling that great.  But at the same time I am able to see that there is some balance to all of this.   Even if I only see a little, I know that I do learn from the trials I go through.  Gosh, if I don't remember this, my friends, the books I read, and the music I listen to remind me of this all the time.   I shouldn't forget it, but I do.  I am learning to appreciate what I do have and not worry about what I don't have.  I can feel the peace when it comes.  I do have a good life, I'm alive, sober, happily married, employed at a job I love, and there are lots of vegetables growing in my garden soon, if the darn sun would shine.

We do try to find a way to make some fun along this journey.  We took a long time to drive home Sunday from visiting Marty in Aberdeen.  We got so wrapped up in catching the beauty of the sunshine and the coast, on the same day, it took us four hours to drive home.  It should only take two and that's with a stretch stop or two.

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.

Carl Jung, "Memories, Dreams, Reflections", 1962

1 comment:

  1. Your strength is amazing. That's so neat that the man who helped you with your package also healed a corner of your soul. My prayers are with both of your sons and with you, D... Hugs